Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My bed smells like the plague
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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