She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i believe in u and ur pee
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
