Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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