he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
