my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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