Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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