I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
