The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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