we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
