just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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