whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
