Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
