What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
