She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
