What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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