i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize