like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
