We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
