i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
