i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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