my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
