nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
