I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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