her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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