its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
