Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
