part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
