Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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