laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
