just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
