I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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