Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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