1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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