I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
