An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
