I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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