where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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