Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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