apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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