if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I met the friendliest cop last night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
