I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
