Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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