I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
