i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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