Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
