the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this will be a night to untag.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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