New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
