U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
