i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
