Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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