He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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