oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
