come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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