Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
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I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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