I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
