We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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