Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think weed is turning my hair brown
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
