why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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