Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
