i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
