Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.