he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing