you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
