I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
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Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.