i can juggle bunnies
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century