I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
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Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.