I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
