Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.