my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
