i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just pee around me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
