and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
