I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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