Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
