just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
