'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
