We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
