i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
