You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
