just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
