i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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