She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Randomize
