This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
