What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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