theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
