someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
